In the Beginning

From the first moments I can remember I have wanted to be a mother. I always thought I would have my own child but the older I've gotten and because of some of the choices I've made for my life, things have changed. I'm single and I'm OK with that. I haven't met the right person for me yet, and I hope to one day! Most of you know I own a small business in Plano TX. I have lots of flexibility with my schedule, but I do have to work early evenings and Saturdays to keep us fed. Though I love my life, career and my sweet little poo poos Lola Carol and Little Honey I feel like I'm ready for a new challenge. I'm so lucky to have all the wonderful things and people I have in my life I feel like its time to share. I came to this conclusion about 2 years ago.

I started thinking about having a baby myself last summer. I've had so many friends and clients have babies over the last several years it has really turned my baby clock upside down! Thanks ladies! This biological clock thing is nuts! Since I'm self employed I have to carry private health insurance which is expensive and not the best coverage. I have a really high deductible since I'm healthy and see the Dr. twice a year. It costs me $120 every time I go to the Dr. who is in network! Don't get me started! I called my insurance agent to inquire about pregnancy. Basically I would have to add maternity coverage at the beginning of the calendar year and it would triple my monthly payment. All the while I would be trying to get pregnant and have to carry that until I gave birth or I guess I would have to give birth at Parkland in Dallas. I've heard if you show up to the hospital in labor they can't turn you away. I also have a client who didn't have health insurance, the hospital made them pay the birth fees before the baby was born and the anesthesiologist would have to be paid in full as well. The family was going thru a rough time and couldn't afford to pay for an epidural so she gave birth naturally. Are you kidding me? This is America! No one should have to make that kind of decision. Luckily for them everything went smoothly.

Not even mentioning how I would choose a sperm donor. I know Dale my NYC friend isn't giving me any of his little swimmers. He's really the only man in my life that I love that much. It would be weird to him but it wouldn't for me and I love and respect him enough to honor that. He also says all the women in his family are messed up and I really want a little girl! I checked into some sperm banks and figured it would cost me about $500 - $750 each try. That's for the sperm and shipping, insemination and stuff. I have no idea how I would ever choose. I can be really indecisive at times. I will say that most of the banks that I found were in California and some of them for a fee would supply you baby photos of the father. I thought that was really cool.

I also started thinking about work. I pay rent at the salon by the week if I'm there or not. When I go on vacation I still pay rent on the room. It's a small price to pay to have such a wonderful environment and the freedom!! It seems like most people take 3 months off after the baby and I think that would be a nice amount of time, and I'm sure I would be ready to go back to work. I would have to pay to keep that room or risk losing it (its a good room) and hoping there was a room waiting for me when I got back. Not to mention that in my maternity leave my clients would still have to get their hair done. Any time you leave a salon or are out for any length of time clients find somewhere else to go and you don't get some back. That's just the way it works. I'm also sure that I wont want to work up to the end with such a physical job and wont be able to be on my feet 10 hours a day like I am now. There's 5 months I would have to have saved. What if I was put on bed rest before then? I was starting to feel a little overwhelmed by this and I can't financially take that risk right now. I can in a few years though!!!!! I really want a baby now.

I started thinking about other options and doing a little research. At the same time there was quite a bit of news about how the foster care system is in dire need of foster parents. I also looked into adoption locally and out of the country and that's really expensive too. There are kids right here in my own community that need a loving home. Something just clicked and I did a little more research and I heard so many ugly stories about fostering but I also heard really good ones! The more and more I thought about it the more I felt like fostering might be the answer.

I have a client named Angela who's first job out of college is with the city of Dallas - I think she is a child advocate. Over several haircuts - we've been a team for years now - I started asking questions. It was Angela who really got me excited about the prospects of fostering and how much say the foster parents really have. I think that as a society we hear so much negativity and have preconceived notions on what foster parents motives are. Angela explained that CPS does their best to place a child in the best possible foster homes. These kids have come out of abuse and neglectful homes. Some of them its not their first time going into the system and who knows what these children have seen. You have total control of what kind of child you bring into your home. You can request age, gender, race, medical issues if any. That really surprised me, and a lot of my friends didn't know that either. The state reimburses you according to what kind of child is in your home, and don't be fooled, it isn't much. The more care the child needs the more the reimbursement is. For an average healthy child - I think its $21.44 a day, $643 a month. If the child is an infant you can also apply for WIC - Women Infants and Children benefit from the state for milk, formula, cereal and such. All the medical costs are paid because the children receive medicaid. Also any child who reaches adulthood or is adopted thru foster care gets their tuition paid to any TX state college! That includes grad school. What an awesome gift to these kids. One of the saddest things that I've learned is that if I adopt a minority child who is 3 or older the state will pay me a monthly benefit until the child turns 18. That's one of the reasons I've said I don't care what race the child is, the right child will come to me and the color of it makes the child no difference.